125 Short Jokes That Kids and Adults Can Remember

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Clear the aisles, because you're about to be rolling in them with this collection of short jokes that are serious knee-slappers. Yep, we've gathered our favorite wisecracks, dad jokes and corny one-liners to break out as necessary.

Whether you're at lunch with coworkers, out with friends or need a supply of jokes you can actually remember so you don't totally blow the punchline, these short jokes are the perfect antidote to any situation that requires a healthy dose of humor.

Indeed, these funny puns are exactly what the doctor ordered if you or anyone else is in a need of good laugh. Speaking of doctors, did you hear about the invisible man that went to the emergency room? He's still waiting to be seen. How about the sorcerer that was driving down the street? Apparently, he turned into a parking lot.

There's no question that these short jokes are terrible in all the right ways. In fact, with so many cringeworthy cracks at your disposal, your dad is bound to borrow them for his own stash. And while they may be totally cheesy, you can't deny that these jokes are pretty grate.

Best of all, these gags aren't just for dads. Everyone — including kids, moms, grandpas, coworkers, neighbors and even random people walking down the street — are sure to get a kick out of these comic gems.

Even if you decide to keep this treasure trove of clean jokes all to yourself, we guarantee that by the time you're done reading them, your funny bone will be thoroughly tickled.

Short jokes for adults

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a plus.
Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine but went downhill fast.
How do you know when a computer is on a diet? It quits eating after only one byte.
What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
I don’t like shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.

What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Why did the golfer cry? He was going through a rough patch.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies.

Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.
What happened to the archeologist who lost her job? Her career was in ruins.
How does a lumberjack know how many trees he’s cut down? He keeps a log.
Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? You can buy it with no strings attached.

Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
I once made a lot of money cleaning up leaves. I was raking it in.

I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Why was the math book down in the dumps? It had a lot of problems.
Why do barbers make good drivers? They know a lot of short cuts.
Why did the elephant leave the circus? It was sick of working for peanuts.
Did you hear about the invisible man who went to the emergency room? He’s still waiting to be seen.

Best short jokes

Did you hear about the dentist that won an award? They gave him a little plaque.
What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers.
Did you hear about the sorcerer that was driving down the street? He turning into a parking lot.
Where do boats go when they are sick? The dock-tor.
What's it like flying on a magic carpet? Very rugged.

How do you prevent diseases from biting insects? Don't bite them.
Why did the man get fired from the mattress factory? He kept sleeping on the job.
Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
What kind of shoes do plumbers wear? Clogs.
What do trees wear to go swimming? Trunks.

I went shopping for a pair of camouflage pants. But I couldn't find any.
Bacon and eggs walk into a diner. The host says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
I told a chemistry joke once. I didn't get much of a reaction.
My dad was hit on the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.

I used to steal soap, but I'm clean now.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I didn't go to work.
I once got fired from a keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I used to be afraid of hurdles. But I got over it.
Why do dragons sleep during the day? So they can hunt knights.

Are all math puns bad? No, just sum.
What does a house wear? Address.
I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
I excel at sleeping. In fact, I can do it with my eyes closed.
I used to be afraid of painting, but eventually I brushed it off.

Short funny jokes

Why shouldn't you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.
Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept.
What did the comforter say after falling off the bed? Oh, sheet!
How much do you pay deer for a day's work? A hundred bucks.20

Why don't trees watch scary movies? They get petrified.
What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? “Woof, that hit the spot!”
What kind of bug tells time? A clock roach.
What did one beer say to the other? It's ale good.

What do you call coffee with a sixth sense? Déjà brew.
What's a llama's favorite movie? “Alpaca-lypse Now.”
Why shouldn't you make a dinosaur mad? Because you'll get Jurass-kicked.
What do math books wear under their covers? Alge-bras.
What do you say to an award-winning cheese? “Gouda job!”

How do movie stars stay cool? They have many fans.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Where do rabbits go for breakfast? IHOP.
Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of pants.

Why did the cloud stay home from school? It was feeling under the weather.
Why shouldn't you tell a legume your secrets? They always spill the beans.
Did you hear about the polite clown? It was a nice jester.
What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investigator.

Short jokes for kids

What did the man say to his fingers? “I’m counting on you.”
How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t bad either.
How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.
How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.

What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
What’s the pirate’s favorite letter? The “C.”
What’s the best way to host a party in space? You planet.
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

What kind of witch likes going to the beach? A sandwich.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
Why did the sauna go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling so hot.
Why did the owl quit its job? It didn’t give a hoot.
How much do dead batteries cost? There should be no charge.

Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber? He decided to come clean.
Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek? Because good players are hard to find.
What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.
Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers.
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.