Some husbands send flowers, mine sends memes — cute puppy ones; funny pickleball ones; goofy dad joke ones. They appear in my Instagram DMs when I least expect them, whenever I need a boost or a laugh or a gentle reminder that life isn’t all gloom and doom.
Some wives prefer more material tokens of appreciation (a friend on marriage #2 just received a Birkin bag). But after 27 years of marriage, I crave small, constant signs that prove beyond a doubt that he still cares. Why else would he share a reel warning me not to reheat cooked rice? He loves me, he really, really loves me!
The term “micromance” has been popping up on social media and Bumble lists the term as one of 2025’s dating trends. Instead of grand romantic gestures, micromance is about what you do when no one else is watching: holding hands, paying attention, allowing the other person to vent or simply do their thing without judgement. In my case, this includes watching football every Sunday because my husband loves it. Can I name any other Chiefs player besides Taylor Swift’s boyfriend? Not really. But being confused (and a little bored) is a small price to pay for making him happy. Plus, we get to cozy up on the couch for three hours (a win-win).
Not only do I understand the concept of micromance, but I’m living proof that it’s the secret to keeping the flames burning. Maybe he doesn’t buy me Tiffany jewelry like he did when we were first dating, or wine and dine me at expensive restaurants. That’s okay. When I was 28 and he was 31, bigger was always better when it came to gifting. We were trying to dazzle each other, push the relationship forward — show, rather than tell, that we were “all in.”
For my husband's 32nd birthday, I surprised him with a backstage tour of Les Misérables on Broadway. He bought me a Cartier watch for my 30th, and took me to a romantic French bistro. It was all so over-the-top. Today, I’ll take the subtle signs that he knows me better than I know myself. After all, who else would text me the new Starbucks drink menu or a link to an Air Supply concert?
Experts agree that micromance acts can go a long way in both new and long-term unions. “Love lives strongest in the small everyday moments,” relationship therapist Sofie Roos tells Today.com. “People want love every day of the week, and they want it to be genuine. How we really feel for each other is always shown in the small details.”
Over time, these small gestures build trust, emotional intimacy, and a foundation for a deeply fulfilling and authentic relationship, says life and relationship coach Michelle Shahbazyan. “As life becomes more expensive, there is also a cultural shift toward finding more thoughtful ways to express love,” she says. “While gifts are still appreciated, thoughtfulness and ongoing attention to making a partner feel seen not only strengthen the bond, but also reinforce positive feelings about oneself, their partner, and the relationship.”
Micromance requires keeping your relationship top of mind, rather than putting it on a back shelf, explains Raffi Bilek, author of The Couples Communication Handbook: The Skills You Never Learned for the Marriage You Always Wanted. “There are innumerable ways to make this a part of your life,” Bilek tells Today.com. “Sit down together for a few minutes over morning coffee. Pat your spouse on the butt as you pass them in the kitchen. Remember to say thank you for something mundane they did that day. Anything that brings you a moment of connection, however brief, helps you to keep the relationship ball in the air.”
For me, that’s neatly folding my husband’s laundry instead of dumping it in a heap on the bed. It’s rubbing his shoulders when he’s been hunched over his computer for hours or cooking his favorite dinner (pesto chicken pasta) for no special reason. He tears out articles he thinks I would be interested in from newspapers and replaces the paper towels in the kitchen without being asked. He’ll also walk the dog and tiptoe around the apartment to let me sleep late on the weekend. If he empties the dishwasher or scrubs pots and pans, I’m even more enamored. There is nothing sexier than a guy squeezing a bottle of Palmolive.
Last summer, he stopped at a farm stand and surprised me with sunflowers. I was so touched, I burst into tears. I had just arrived on a four-hour bus ride from the city to meet him at our summer house. It was a blazing hot holiday weekend with standstill traffic, and he wanted to do a small something to say thank you.
The gestures don't end there. He’ll offer me a slice of his personal-pan pizza and half his dessert — even when he really wants that last bite of cheesecake. Though tiny things, they all add up to making me feel cherished, respected and valued. You can keep your diamonds and designer bags — I would rather receive a phone call from the supermarket: “Do you need anything while I’m here?” That, indisputably, is true love.
