Funny puns are like cookies — it's impossible to stop after just one. In fact, once you get started, it's easy to just keep telling them. Lucky for you, we've gathered a collection of bad jokes and hilarious one-liners that you're bound to like, well, a latte.
Yep, we see you. You're cringing over our dumb puns, but that's what you've come for, and to keep the eye-rolls coming, we've compiled the best bad funny puns, dad jokes and tongue-in-cheek jokes to ensure that you've got plenty of wisecracks to taco 'bout at the next family gathering or dinner out with friends.
Dare we say they're eggs-actly what you need should the situation call for a bit of humor.
For example, how do you make a hot dog stand? Take away it's chair. And did you hear about the guy who lost his job at the blanket factory? Apparently, it folded. How about the two kittens that got into an argument? It was a cat-astrophe. What do you call a cow with only two legs? Eileen.
We could keep these zingers coming all day long, because when it comes to delivering the giggles, we've got all the corny one-liners you'll ever need and, all of them are totally a-maize-ing.
So, read on and clear the aisles, because you're about to be rolling in them.
Best funny puns to make you laugh
- Did you hear about the boat that got a new job? It's in sails.
- What kind of shoes do bananas wear? Slippers.
- What do you call a cow with only two legs? Eileen.
- Did you hear about the trending corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
- Did you hear about the guy who lost his job at the blanket factory? Apparently, it folded.
- People who don't know the difference between entomology and etymology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
- I once read a book about anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down.
- Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.
- Did you hear about the guy who went to the seafood yoga class? He pulled a mussel.
- What do French hedgehogs see on Groundhog Day? Their chateau.
- Is your refrigerator running? Better catch it before it gets away.
- I'd tell you a pig joke, but I think they're boar-ing.
- Why can't you trust atoms? They make up everything.
- One bird cannot make a pun. But toucan.
- What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey.
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the “R,” but it's really the “C.”
- I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
- For her birthday, my mom asked me for something groundbreaking. So I got her a shovel.
- My husband used to work in computers. But then he lost his drive.
- Did you hear about fire at the shoe factory? Many soles were lost.
- Are you planning to go fishing tomorrow? If so, let minnow.
- I'd love to win a Nobel in chemistry. So, I'm keeping my ion the prize.
- What did the quilt say to the bed after it fell on the floor? “Oh, sheet!”
- I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
- What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open-toed.
- I decided to host a party in space. Now I just have to planet.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
- I went to buy a dead battery and the clerk said, “No charge.”
- Why can't you trust jungle animals? Because they're always lion.
- How do make an octopus laugh? Give it ten-tickles.
- Are plants good at math? Only if they have square roots.
- Where do you take birds out to dinner? Someplace cheep.
- I wanted to improve my computer's website. So, I bought it glasses.
- What does King Arthur use to see in the dark? Knight lights.
- How do you make an eggroll? Just give it a little push.
- A chicken and an egg go into a restaurant. The host asks, “Which of you is first?”
- What did the drummer say when he had to start the song over? “Oh well, back to snare one.”
- Did you hear about skeleton spelling bee? No body won.
- Why did the football player hire a lawyer? He needed to work on his defense.
- I try to avoid birthdays. Too many will kill you.
- Why don't cats like online shopping? They prefer cat-alogues.
- What did the house wear to the prom? Address.
Funny one-liners
- Why shouldn't you trust stairs? They're always up to something.
- I had a taser once. It was stunning.
- Know any good rope jokes? I'm a frayed knot.
- What did one plant say to the other? “Girl, you really got me growing.”
- What's the problem with scientists? Periodically, they're wrong.
- Why do coffee cups avoid the city? They're afraid to get mugged.
- Why shouldn't you argue with a dinosaur? You'll get jurasskicked.
- I tried to take a photo of a wheat field. It turned out grainy.
- I'm afraid of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
- Why should you wear glasses when doing math? They improve division.
- I'm happy Ford didn't invent the airplane. It wouldn't have been Wright.
- Who invented King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference.
- Why was six nervous? Because seven eight nine.
- I want to be a doctor, but I don't have enough patience.
- What do sweet potatoes wear to bed? Yammies.
- Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.
- Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was two-tired.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- I don't trust trees. They're shady.
- A chemist walked into a couch store and ended up buying a photon.
- Why should you stay away from artists? They're sketchy.
- Where can you go to find a tiny Coke? Mini-soda.
- I wrote a song about burritos. It's a rap.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
- I love math. And then sum.
- I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say so I used big words.
- Why don't pirates know the alphabet? Because they keep getting lost at C.
- How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
- Why did the thief hire a maid to plan his vacation? He wanted a clean getaway.
- Making mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
- I wanted to buy camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.
- I read a book about about helium once. I couldn't put it down.
Funny puns about food
- What did the bread say to the baker? "You knead me."
- Did you hear about the unfaithful espresso? It was grounds for divorce.
- What do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs.
- What do you call pasta with no money? Penne-less.
- What do you call fake noodles? Impastas.
- Why do I love cheese? For starters, it's pretty grate.
- What did one potato say to the other? "I've got my fries on you."
- Why are bananas so good? They've got appeal.
- When does bread go bad? When you yeast expect it.
- Why is bread so lazy? It's always loafin' around.
- I drink beer when I'm sick. It cures all my ale-ments.
- Are you a sweet potato? Yes, I yam.
- Why didn’t the tea go up the hill? It was too steep.
- What's the best way to make a hotdog stand? Take away its chair.
- Bacon and eggs go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don't serve breakfast here.”
- I went out for an expensive Italian meal. It cost a pretty penne.
- Did you hear about the pasta that went to a dermatologist? It had a big ziti.
- Why couldn't the pasta unlock the door? Gnocchi.
- What did one dessert say to the other? “I’m your biggest flan.”
- I was going to tell you a pizza joke, but it's too cheesy.
Funny puns about love
- I love you a latte.
- Take another little pizza my heart now, baby.
- You're a-maize-ing.
- I'd run away with you but I cantaloupe.
- Can I just call you “Google”? You've got everything I'm looking for.
- Let's give 'em something to taco 'bout.
- I love you a waffle lot.
- You're pre-tea cute.
- You a-moose me.
Funny puns about animals
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
- Two kittens had an argument. It was a cat-astrophe.
- How can you tell when a cat is happy? When it's feline fine.
- What did one sheep say to the other? “I love ewe.”
- Did you hear about the matching cows? It was an udder cow-incidence.
- What did the duck say when waiter gave him the check? “Put it on my bill.”
- What did the horse say after tripping in a pothole? "Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy up."
- Why did the rabbit skip school? It was having a bad hare day.
- What kind of animal shouldn't you give as a gift? I'm not sure, but, personally, I don't give a fox.
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.” The horse says, “You read my mind.”
- Where can you find a whale that plays the flute? In an orca-stra.
- Did you hear about the lamb that couldn't see? Someone pulled the wool over its eyes.
- Did you hear about the dog that had a bad day at work? It was ruff.
- I once asked an alpaca for a favor. It was no prob-llama.
- What's a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.
- What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies.
- How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.
